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September 17, 2005

Open letter to the noble citizenry of Western Canada

By

I've often thought that we should offer statehood to the four western provinces of Canada — British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba. Perhaps BC would have to change its name to "The Former British Columbia" or "FBC" for short. Or, maybe we could try "American Columbia" or "AC" for short. That has a nice techie sound to it.
 
I have no particular objection to the other monikers. Few in this country know who "Albert" is and if anyone asks we'll just tell them Einstein or stand there shrugging our shoulders. The others sound native—American and we already have plenty of aboriginal names here in the States. Why, right here in Michigan we have "Onondaga", "Sebewa" and "Chippewa".
 
The four provinces would have to come in as a group so as to not screw up the flag. For our current 50 states we have 5 rows of 6 stars each and 4 rows of 5 stars each for 30 + 20 = 50 stars. For 54 states we'd have 9 rows of 6! Voila! A perfectly accommodating modification.
 
Unlike the Brits, you already drive on the "right" side of the road and speak approximately the same version of English. We can figure out the minor differences and I'm  sure we can work "eh" into the Star Spangled Banner somewhere. Perhaps, "Oh, eh can you see. . ."
 
Let's get those petitions going and sent to Washington — D.C. that is — ASAP and get your taxes lowered!
 
Dennis Sevakis
Suburban Detroit, Michigan
Just across the river from one of those perfidious "Eastern" provinces