IRS commissioner John Koskinen wins the government’s “Alice in Wonderland” quote of the week in addressing a data breach at the IRS in which confidential records of 100,000 taxpayers and tens of millions of dollars were stolen.

The Washington Times reports:

Fraudsters stole private information from the IRS on more than 100,000 taxpayers and used it to bilk the agency of tens of millions of dollars, Commissioner John Koskinen said Tuesday — though he insisted the breach didn’t affect most Americans.

The criminals gained access to the IRS through a new system called “Get Transcript,” which allows taxpayers to go online and get years’ worth of their own tax records. Mr. Koskinen said the perpetrators used information they already knew about taxpayers to fool the system into believing it was the taxpayer logging in, and then stole the transcripts with even more information.

IRS commissioner Koskinen reports “there’s nothing to see here,” with an amazing reply:

“This is not a security breach. Our basic information is secure,” Mr. Koskinen insisted in a call with reporters to discuss the theft, which had gone on for months — dating back to February — but was only caught last week.

Of course, the award may be premature, since the week isn’t over.